Then the husband started drinking, and drinking more. In the village of Islampur, in Ratnagiri district, a widow was banned from entering her village. S wanted love, but she also wanted sex. With her husband, sex had seemed like a task. The relationship weakened, and the frequency of sex waned.
She is now in a relationship with a different man, 14 years her junior. Then the husband started drinking, and drinking more. Do you have a lover? Maya Sharma, a Vadodara-based feminist activist, found two women living together in a village. But only if we know. But in this group, sympathies lie firmly with the women. To keep the matter under wraps, she gave away her newborn to an orphanage. Soon she was enjoying the sex. The role-playing goes on for about an hour, and the discussion can veer from subjects like pubic hair to the first night of marriage to detailed accounts of sex. Her husband, 11 years older than her, migrated to Mumbai within a month of their marriage. Women sing about coveting lower-caste men and imagine them as their grooms. They encounter more men on an everyday basis while working, and so the chances of them getting into relationships, physical or otherwise, are higher. But the husband was bedridden. Another did not like her husband asking for anything other than peno-vaginal sex, so she publicly rebuked him, in front of her parents. When the devar found out, he approached the panchayat. The whole village came to know of it. While the number of women we met for this story is hardly representative of how rural women navigate desire, we found, repeatedly amongst the women we talked to, a discernible openness around sexuality, and the acceptance of desire as a basic need. Penalties include age-old forms of rural justice: Another woman inserted a long green brinjal in her vagina, the stem broke off with the vegetable still inside her. The woman now lives with relatives in a nearby village; her teenage daughters live with her in-laws. Compared to urban women, rural women have sex earlier in life urban women begin having sex almost two years later than rural women ; the frequency of sex is higher; and they have more sexual partners in their lifetime. While the husband was away in Mumbai, his nephew, the same age as B, tried to force himself on her. B lives in a joint family. Now it was different. These villages in the heart of India are no exception. She had to be taken to hospital. With hardly any access to sex education, navigating desire is a fraught enterprise.
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